We are officially in the thick of it. The hislahvus of Adar is everywhere, and with it comes the annual blitz of Purim fundraising. As someone who grew up in the system and now has sons in Yeshiva, I recognize that these campaigns are the lifeblood of our mosdos. We want our boys to be involved, and we know the hanhalos are under immense pressure to make ends meet.
However, I think it’s time we have an honest conversation about the impact this has on the average baalebus.
For those of us in the workforce, our workday is our Seder. It’s how we fulfill our acharayus to our families and, ultimately, how we earn the money that funds these very institutions. But lately, it feels like the boundaries have vanished. Between 9:00 AM and 5:00 PM, my phone is a constant stream of unrecognized numbers, “urgent” WhatsApp blasts, and credit card links from bochurim I’ve never met, representing yeshivos I have no shaychus to.
The problem is that as mentchlich Yiden, we hate to say no. We don’t want to hang up on a bochur doing a mitzvah. But when you’re in the middle of a meeting or a sensitive project, the tenth call of the morning isn’t just a distraction—it’s a bitul zman that affects our parnassah.
If we want to keep the spirit of giving alive without burning everyone out, we need some sechel in how we handle this:
First, we need to realize that we aren’t bottomless wells. Halacha gives us a clear priority: Aniyei ircha kodmim. It is perfectly okay—and often necessary—to tell a caller, “I’ve already allocated my Purim tzedakah to my local mosdos for this year.” You don’t need to feel guilty for having a budget. In fact, being direct saves the bochur time so he can find someone who hasn’t hit their limit yet.
Second, we need to protect our yishuv hadaas during work. If you’re busy, let the unknown number go to voicemail. If it’s someone you actually know, they’ll leave a message. If it’s a cold call, they’ll move to the next name. That’s not being rude; it’s being responsible to your job.
Finally, I’d like to ask the Rebbeim who run these drives to give the boys some direction. Teach them that a phone call at 10:30 AM on a Tuesday might be interrupting a man’s livelihood. Maybe encourage them to lead with a respectful text first, and to always respect a “no” without pushing back.
We all want the same thing: flourishing Yeshivos and a vibrant community. But that only works if there is mutual respect for the Seder of the Baal Habas as much as the Seder of the bochur.
Wishing the entire tzibbur a simchas Purim and much hatzlacha.
A Busy Lakewood Father
The views expressed in this letter are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of YWN. Have an opinion you would like to share? Send it to us for review.
